Review: Zero to Sixty

The description of this book really caught my eye. "Nearing 60 and diagnosed with heart disease, what's a man to do? Road trip of course." It  talked about Gary Paulsen, author of numerous children's books, and fellow New Mexican, who uses this book to "recount his life-affirming ride from New Mexico to Alaska." Well, I'm now over 50 and enjoy good health, but you never know. I bought it with eager anticipation.

Zero to Sixty - The Motorcycle Journey of a Lifetime by Gary Paulsen. A memoir by the author of WINTERDANCE. As mentioned, I was looking for ward to a good read about an epic motorcycle trip done by a guy not too many years older than myself. I am sure that the journey was, indeed, fantastic. Just after purchasing his first Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Gary decides to ride his blue Heritage Softail to Alaska. A friend hears about it and comes along with him.

This has all the makings of a great story. Recently diagnosed with heart disease, our hero buys the bike of his dreams and almost immediately decides to take off on a 10,000 mile trip with a buddy. Right? Wrong!

 Each chapter starts with two or three paragraphs about where they are at in their rather spontaneous journey. Then, the author is reminded of some childhood, or Army or some other memory, then spends the rest of the chapter on it. Don't get me wrong, Mr Paulsen has had a rather interesting life, but I got this book to read about RIDING and motorcycles and overcoming (at least temporarily) the effects of aging.

He could have had a great photo like this, but didn't. (from www.womenridersnow.com)

In later chapters, he does write a bit more about the journey, but by that time, I was disappointed by the lack of coverage about the rest of the trip, that I couldn't thoroughly enjoy it. I will say, that his opinion of RV'ers is consistent with Tiger Edmonds'. In Chapter 10, he writes: "I'm not going to say that every person driving a motor home is a road-ignorant old fart who couldn't pour piss from an old boot with the instructions written the heel..." and "They're like lemmings, except that most of them seem to have less cognitive ability..." Come to think of it, Chapter 10 probably makes the book worth buying and reading.

Like so many books and movies about grand journeys, the first half or so gets all the coverage. The end is an after thought. In Zero to Sixty, the ride from Fairbanks back to New Mexico is covered in just under three (yes, 3) pages. Really? There was nothing of note seen, no awesome section of road, no example of incredible stupidity by a guy in a Winnebago? Furthermore, he does not use the last chapter, or the last portion of the last chapter to describe what he learned about life, the universe or everything.

I've never read any other of Gary Paulsen's works. If you are a fan and want to learn some really interesting things about his childhood and time spent in the Army, you will probably love this book. If you're wanting a read about a great ride, skip it.

I have an idea for a rating symbol, but don't have it ready yet. In the meantime, I give Zero to Sixty 2 stars. It would have been one star except Chapter 10 earned its own star.

"The Ghost of Scootertrash Past"

The Ghost of Scootertrash Past – Memories & Rants of a Longrider by Mark "Tiger" Edmonds

 “Tiger” Edmonds is at it again. True be told, this one is my favorite, so far. Tiger reminds me of a biker version of Baxter Black. His musings on riding and "the road" are obviously heart felt as well as thought and emotion provoking. 

Scootertrash is his second book and it is a random collection of Edmonds' stories from the road. He writes in a unique style. He is profane at times. He has no respect for political correctness, so if you're easily offended, this may not be the book for you. Parts of this book are poetic and deserve to be read aloud.

Here is one such poetic excerpt where Tiger is talking to a young lady. They have very different ideas about being on the road: 
“She giggled and asked about the sunshine and unfrozen rivers and flowers and birds and butterflies in the air. She asked about alligators and the Southern Cross and the Spanish moss. And she wanted to know about manatees.
But I told her about the heat and the cold, about just getting' old, and about thousand mile days. I tried to tell her about border towns and local citizens' frowns and about how the highway will wear you down out there between the Mohawk Valley and Tampa Bay.”
This exchange goes on for several "stanzas" and sounds great when read aloud.

Here's to being on the road less travelled

Other parts are humorous in the way he chooses to describe something. Here is Tiger talking about tunnels: “Way I figure it, you got to have a lot of gopher in you to be comfortable riding into a hole in the ground. The trouble is that riding a motorcycle is basically an outdoor activity, and tunnels are seriously indoors. It’s one of them things, like eating oysters,that makes you wonder who was the first guy tried it, and what the hell was he thinking?”

Riding through an old rail tunnel at the Scoot NM rally

Some of his thoughts on "super-slabs": "Interstate highways permit the inept to drive. Hell, they encourage the incompetent to travel cross country. .... It's a real mindless activity, and it can be done by the mentally deficient." (Remember what I said about those who are easily offended?)

I love this book and give it 5 stars. (I hate using "stars" as my rating symbol. Does anyone have an idea about a scooter-appropriate symbol? If so, please leave your suggestion in your comment.)

On days the weather or something else keeps you from riding, find a great book like this. It helps.

Howard

Trying it Again . . . . with a review

I have missed writing. (Although, with a year and 8 month absence, that is probably a little difficult to believe.) For what it's worth, I have written a very few entries on the Sky Island Riders site. As we all know, "life happens" and priorities change, as does the amount of time one has to write on a blog.

One thing I have had a bit of time to do is read. I was watching a bit of television (usually NetFlix) most nights before I went to sleep. I realized that I had several books about scooter and motorcycle riding, that my loving bride had bought for me, laying around and that watching the tube was a poor way to show my appreciation for those gifts. I started spending some time reading most evenings. I have read some really good books, some average and some below average books over the past few months.

I have been feeling bad about not posting here and was trying to think of a good way to break back into the habit. Something quick and relatively easy to write sounded good. Then it occurred to me that I could start writing reviews of the books I have been reading. Some of the people I know may discover a good book or two, after all, the books I have been reading are not "high profile" and while some are very good, i don't think any have made the Billboard charts (with one exception, although I haven't decided for sure if I am going to review that one.)

Let's get one with it, shall we?

Long Rider - A tale of just passin' through by Mark Tiger Edmonds

. From the back cover: "Take a BMW motorcycle, one million miles and Mark Edmonds. Distill for 35 years. Result?You get an insightful, compassionate (and passionate) view of America and what it means to all of us who, after all, are "just passin' through."...Mr Edmonds' assessment of this country and the changes it's undergone remains as unswerving as his assessment of himself as he rides his own pilgrimage, just passin' through."

Tiger Edmonds is a motorcycle riding, poetry writing professor at a college in Florida. He writes like he talks and he talks like a biker. If you are offended by profanity and use of the "f-word" books by Mr Edmonds are not for you. For those who can appreciate passion, even if you don't agree with its author, you may love reading Edmonds' work as much as I do.

Longrider is Edmonds' first book. It is not his best, in my opinion, but it is still very good. As mentioned above, mark has more than a million miles on motorcycles. He has a poet's heart and a painter's eye and he writes and passionately about what he sees and experiences on his rides. I will review some of his other books soon, I hope.

I think, no, I KNOW, that my favorite chapter of Longrider is called Roadsongs. In this chapter Edmonds explains that "different roads have different songs." He describes different roads he has been on and that many roads have "songs" that they sing to you as you ride. A road in West Virginia along the Tug Fork "sounds more like "Amazing Grace" than anything I ever heard." Another road between Austin and Abilene, he says, sings "a slow polka with a pretty heavy oompah beat to it." Personally, I had noticed that different roads have given me different feelings (other than the differences in pavement/asphalt) but when I read this chapter I had an "Ahah!" moment. Now I am more attuned to the songs that various roads sing to me.

This road has a different song to sing.....

than this one. Don't you think?

Chapter Eleven is another favorite. In addition to amusing roadside repairs, there is a section about signs. I have a tendency to notice and take photos of interesting and/or humorous signs I see. I was glad to see someone else who has similar observations about such signs as I do.

Sorry for the poor quality, but this was taken with my cell phone, through the drive thru window at a local burrito shop.

Other things he muses about in Longrider include Dead Animals, Savior Waitresses, Ex-Wives, Winnebagos (he hates them)Zen, Truckers and the Girl with the Paisley Paint Job and many others.